COMES FROM MONKEY
this is purely a work of fiction. Any resemblance to person's living or dead, or to events that may have occurred, is purely coincidental
- Close the shutters... immediately... it’s raining cats and dogs... make it quickly... rainwater is dripping down the wall... I can’t stand patches of mildew on the walls. You have to struggle on until the rain stops...
You can stop all this dripping, you need only a clever strain to lead off all the water that comes from the roof... no.. not this way... what are you doing! Oh, my God! You have to get out... no matter if drenched or not... you have to get on the roof to fix the drain-pipe... you have to go straight now... yes... it’s raining... but not a big deal... just a little thunderstorm... go, go! I’ll wait for you... I can’t stand all this panic... you are coward like anything... Go! Water is dripping all over the wall... the wallpaper could be mildewed... My God! Go! What are you waiting for? .... Finally... Jack... what the hell are you doing? You are trampling all over my flowerbeds... be careful with that horrible boots of yours!
What the hell is he searching for? The ladder is over there in front of him... oh... finally... What the hell is he hammering! The dripping-pipe is falling down! ... he had to fix it not to destroy... My God.. I can’t stand him anymore! ... Jack! No! Don’t bring those muddy boots inside! ... Oh my God my welcome mat all muddied! You don’t prize all my sweat, all my stress, no! In spite of my best endeavour I never could live in a house that is worth this name... Jack... what did you do up there? ... you’re a destroyer... you’re like a bull in a China shop... no! Don’t try to explain, there is nothing to explain here... you only have to shut up... but what your mother thought you? No politeness, no niceness, no good breading ... no care at all... Why did I marry you? My ancestors go back to the times of George the third ... they worked for the king...
- A sort of fools... something like a professional clown... isn’t it?
- No! They had a school!
- Right... a clownery school!
- Do you know where your family comes from? ... I think... they come form monkeys... and you aren’t really so far from monkeys yourself so hairy you are... you have to shave twice a day and must have your hair cut every week, even your hands are hairy and your mother has e goatee... bearded women shaggy children! If my ancestors where fools yours where ... no! I’m a very stupid woman... what are you grinning about? ... about me being stupid? ... You’re right, I am... I am really... if your grin comes from elsewhere I must assume things had gone well for you as you have a big grin on your face... hairy monkeys sometimes look pretty... yeah... your piercing eyes... what are you thinking about?
- Shut up! You whitish plump lady... only able to talk nonsense and to make me become mad... Do you think perhaps you are the only one all over the world? ... Yeah... you’re quite pretty, that’s true... but you’re also blow-hard, chatty like an old wife, arrogant and so on... but you know well where to stop... and that’s enough.
- You’re my monkey... do you remember when you came home to meet my parents? They didn’t even know what to say... my fader cracked a smile pretending to be upset because of his co-workers... mum frightened by my little monkey bolted for the kitchen... my former boyfriend was pale, reddish-whitish English way, tall, skinny as hell... my parents where used to such kind of boyfriends... they never would expect a brown bear... better, a black one... as dark as coal... and as hired as real bear... My father asked you where did your family come from... and when you answered... Scotland... he told you: ... Right! Scotland! But he was really upset... it was hard to start a conversation this way... then mum came back with tea and muffins... I still remember, eight muffins ... we ate one each... you ate the other five, one after another, without saying a word ... then you told my mother that muffins were delicious and she answered only with an “Oh!”... Then we went out to the cinema... My father was shocked... a bleak bear for son-in-law wasn’t really their best dream... We were a classical English family... not a fool family like you think... and then I never understood what your family has to do with Scotland... you told me why a lot of times but I think you still have something to do with monkeys...
- You told about muffins, isn’t it?
- Ok... without muffins you can’t even speak a word... you are like a baby... but babies that eat a lot of muffins become fat...
- It’s not my problem...
- You’re right... you are a skinny bear... do they exist skinny bears? ... I don’t think so... and you are lucky... how would I be skinny like you... tall like you...
- And also hairy like me?
- No... better not...
- Come along with me... there is something tasteful in the fridge...
- Ice cream muffins?
- Yeah... with rum and fruit juice... I know you’re greedy for ice cream muffins... my gourmand... I think we married because of muffins... those of my mum at the beginning and then mine... I think that without muffins we had never got married.. but I’m a good pastry chef...
- You really are... how many muffins are in the fridge? I’d eat another one... just one... baby... just one... why are you eyeing me so warily?
- I was thinking about dinner...
- Dinner? Did you cook something special?
- Not really... just something you deserved after that hard work on the roof ... go open the oven ... go....
- Oh! ... baked aubergines oil and pepper... and a lot of chips... thanks, no more muffins...
- Oh... Jack... I’d like to ask you something...
- Whatever you like...
- Really.... whatever?
- Yes really...
- My parents will come here next week...
- No problem, there is the guestroom...
- But they will come with my sister... and we have just a single guestroom... but I could sleep with my sister... but there is a problem... I don’t know how to set you...
- How long will they stay?
- No more than fifteen or twenty days... you know... my sister is going to give birth... and she needs help... she’s my sister and I can’t abandon her...
- Well... and where am I going to stay until the childbirth?
- You could stay at my aunt’s ... She will be very happy... What do you think about?
- At your aunt’s... but I can’t stand her at all... she only eats boiled onions... something I hate...
- No problem... you could come here for dinner... I’ll cook for you...
- But I have to move around for more than one hundred miles a day...
- Please tell me you’ll do...
- And what will you give me in return?
- A little kiss?
- I think I’m going to do a big deal... ok... and now I have to ask you another question...
- What about?
- I think you can guess...
- No... please... no... let’s change topic...
- I would never torture you... but I think you have to see all the matter another way... yes, what happened rally happened... and you could never forget it... a terrible experience... but there is a future in front of us... years will go on... would we really get older alone? ... Don’t cry... My God... we have to consider everything in order to make a resolution... now you only have to stay with your sister... then you’ll understand what a baby could be...
- Jack... I have been thinking about for so long... but I’m blocked... perhaps it could be... but non now... Jack... please... not now...
- Mary... clearly to make such a decision is very difficult for you and I’ll respect your decision whatever it could be... and now if you like better we can change topic...
- You know well I would never change topic... I read only about babies, I dream only about babies... but I’m frightened that it could be just like last year... I never would fail twice... and not for me... for all of us...
- Mary, don’t cry... hug me tightly... yes, this way...
- And there is another question... a bigger question... is it worth fathering a child who will spend his life suffering, becoming aware of all the terrible things around him, just to get at the end to die suffering more and more?
- But we could have an healthy baby, who could grow up enjoying all the good things the world could offer him...
- Good things? ... when you father a baby you only let him start a journey... you start everything end he will have to come to the end... and to undergo whatever will happen... A year ago I thought that what happened wasn’t really the worst... that we where responsible... and I would never try another time... not because I was frightened of something in particular, but because when you father a baby you also sentence him to death... I never told you such things but that’s really what I’m thinking about night and day... I love you Jack... but I’d never mother a baby because I don’t accept that he must die because I mothered him... mother someone is easy, it could be dangerous, yes, but normally it’s easy... but to get out of this world is much more difficult and painful... babies grow up quickly, when they are still kids they can believe anything, but when they start to use their brain and realize what the real life could be... do you think they wouldn’t ask themselves why do they exist? Why do they have to die? I think they would answer themselves that someone put them here in this world...
- Mh... perhaps you’re right... parents are selfish, they only think about themselves... and don’t mind their babies... but babies are persons just like us, they will face problems, undertake real problems, health problems... and also problems without any solution... Last year was terrible ... I also started to reflect upon such things... well some days ago you started speaking about your sister that is pregnant and I thought you would like a baby... I was not really aware what would I really like...
- No... my sister is my sister, she’s pregnant and she’s happy this way, but I’m not like my sister... Jack... Is there something you wouldn’t even tell me... you don’t have to hide anything from me... please tell me whatever you think...
- No... I don’t hide anything form you, I could never be able to...
- For my part it’s just the same...
- That’s why we got married so quickly and go along this way, I think it wasn’t matter of muffins and whatever... can I tell the truth?
- You have to...
- We have something depressive in common, people usually get married because they think to share some positive attitude, on the contrary we share some radical world view, clearly nothing positive...
- When I try to speak seriously about babies to my mother... I think to speak this way, like we did just now... she always becomes worried about me, probably she thinks I’m a little psychopath... and perhaps she’s right... but when I speak to you, you never try to stop me or to persuade me that I have to change radically all my mind... there is clearly something in common... Jack... is it possible love based on something negative?
- I think no... our thoughts aren’t so negative, they are only realistic... and do you really think that love and babies are implicating each other? I think no... don’t ask me why, I’m not a philosopher...
- Neither am I... I can only prepare muffins... nothing to do with philosophy... but really I think love could exist also without babies... or, better, if you love babies you don’t have to put them in this world... perhaps I can’t even understand how children could change our life... but the point at issue is not about our life but about children’s life... when they will grow up... and we have no right to decide on another person’s life. My mother told me that when we decide not to have children we are just making a decision on their life... but no decision could be made when you can’t address your decision to anyone...
- Right... but now stop acting like a philosopher... seat down, and I’ll warm up the dinner for you... and tomorrow, in the evening I’ll set up your flowerbeds in the garden... I’ll clean your welcome mat and I’ll also fix the drainpipes ... you deserve a nice house to live in... everything here is always set in perfect order... you want me to use carpet slippers, to put back every tool in my toolbox ... and if I need a saw or a drill I have to spend a lot of time keeping everything clean, because you don’t like chips or dust on the carpet... Right, your flowers are splendid, no one in all our neighbourhood ever got roses or box-trees like yours... but I can’t put my deck chair under the elm, because every single square inch of the ground is reserved to flowers... in the afternoon, especially in the summer, I’d like to stay in the elm’s shade... but I’m not allowed to...
- You told me such things so many times that I have been searching for a solution and I got it... just to allow you and me to stay in the shadow of the elm and to preserve our garden... we have to cobble a little share of the ground near the elm wit large paving stones placed at a distance from one another of about ten centimetres just to let the grass grow between the paving stones... the same for the access small path... all with large paving stones the same way... I just called the garden-shop to tell them what exactly I’m searching for, I think everything could be set up in two or three days... so you’ll have your little place near the elm to rest in the shadow... What are you thinking about, Jack?
- I was thinking about the problem of babies... I’m not really sad about the idea of a oldness without children... but when we went to the hospital last month with your sister for the ultrasound scan... I went upstairs to the upper story just to the nursery... there where a lot of babies beyond the glass and a lot of young fathers on the side where I was... they were happy... or at least seamed to be, taking pictures with cameras asking the nurse to move ahead their babies in order to take better pictures... I was there, I don’t know why, really I don’t know why because at that time I wasn’t thinking at all about bearing a child, I just felt a bitter sensation recalling how we were upset and distressed just a year before... I felt discomforted and I went away like if that place wasn’t at all something fitting to me... do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?
- Yeah... certainly... but please... give me my time.. let me understand exactly what I’m really searching for... perhaps next year... perhaps in six months... perhaps never... I don’t know...
- Wait just a moment... there was a young father with a terrible face he was no more searching for babies he felt just as we had felt a year before... I was in doubt what to do, I could have told him about our experience... but I didn’t and went away trying to avoid his eyes... we are so coward sometimes... I went away and I felt just like... like I don’t know what... Is it possible to go on living quite normally if you are searching to hide such things? ... I’m speaking about ourselves... are we able to repress our memories so deeply that we can think of another child?
- I’m perplexed... Jack... now we have to let thoughts go their way, without trying to control them...
- Mary, please... don’t put the aubergines in the oven, I like better to eat them right away... and then we’ll go to the living room... I’d like to hag you tightly... if you like... we have to get aware of a lot of things... Thanks... aubergines are very tasteful...
- A little red whine?
- No, thanks... or yes, just a little... enough... enough.
- Jack... but why are people so interested in children? Do you think it’s because of something genetic... something like: my son is a part of me, is genetically related to me and I love him because it is like I was loving myself? ... something strongly genetic? Or could it be because of other questions like, for instance: I love my son because he needs my love...
- I think both... yes, there is something strongly genetic and there is also something strongly emotional...
- Yes, you’re right, but do you think one of these reasons is more important than the other?
- I don’t know at all... I think the two of them are really important...
- Thanks, Jack...
- Is there something you’re trying to tell me this way?
- Yes, perhaps there is... but I’m not so sure myself... I really think that the emotional motivation is much more important, I don’t know why I think so but it’s exactly what I think or better what I feel... and... if it’s because of love that parents love their sons and not because of genetic questions... parents would love also other sons... I’d say sons that aren’t genetically related to them... isn’t it?
- Yeah... but it’s very unusual... normally parents love only their own sons... at least this is quite common everywhere... perhaps I begin to understand where are you going with all your deductive reasoning... you’re trying to tell me we could also take another person’s child into our own family and legally rise him or her as our own child?
- Yes, right... If we could become adoptive parents we could take care of a baby trying to give him or her a better chance... we could try...
- Do you think perhaps that this way we could avoid to be ourselves to start his or her life and we only could help someone that already exists? ... Only help without choosing too directly... I understand... it’s not so easy... I need time to reflect on this subject and I need help to decide... it’s not so easy...
- I know very well, it wasn’t easy neither for me... I have been thinking about the question of adoption a lot of times... It’s a big deal to take care of someone else, especially if it’s a baby who needs you to help him in all. And I never raised other babies and I’m afraid I couldn’t be able to foster him... but now I’m afraid about material problems, not about the adoption problem itself... Jack... I’m happy because of what we told ourselves this evening... I thought I would never have the courage to start such a conversation... Jack... whatever you will choose you are the man I will love all life long... feel absolutely free, nothing will ever change between us in any case...
- And you are the only woman I’ll love all life long... It’s a big problem... I think you are aware that I’d never say no to whatever you’d like... that’s why you started this conversation... what have I to say? If you like to take a child we will try... but you have to remember that it’s an hard question... nowadays it’s very difficult to take a baby... judges are very careful in putting a baby into the hands of someone... we’ll have to undertake to a strict scrutiny by the health care system...
- I know... but I think we’ll pass every exam easily...
- But it could take many years...
- No matter how many years... we can wait...
- I think we have first to see the lawyer... he could help us and give us good suggestions... we could go there newt week....
- No... tomorrow... please... tomorrow...
- Right, tomorrow... you have to find our wedding certificate... what else? ... I don’t think we need something else... eventually the lawyer will tell us... Mary... are you sure?
- Just till one hour ago I wasn’t ... but now I’m...
- Did you tell it your parents?
- No, I didn’t and I’ll tell them only at the end, only when everything will be set up... I don’t know what they could think about and this is not their problem, it’s something for us, only for us... My parents have nothing to do with the decision we just made... they will be grandparents we have to be parents, adoptive parents, yes, but always parents... we have to take care of the baby... they could help if they want to... but we have to keep everything back... not in order to deceive them but to preserve our own decision from everyone else... also from my parents... also form my sister... we got married to be really a new family... and we’ll be no matter problems, lawyers or whatever...
- Right... your eyes are flashing smiles all over... I think you’re happy today... but you have to consider that we only are going to start the procedures ... we will have many problems with that...
- No problem... me and Jack against the world... what’s the problem? No one could ever defeat us... isn’t it Jack?
- Yes, it is...
- You comes from monkey but you are a good person... my black bear who likes babies... I think this time we’ll succeed no matter how long it could take, no matter problems or whatever... we’ll succeed... yes it’s hard to take a baby, to get used to babysitting to caretaking, to do with lawyers and judges, with our parents, with whoever you want... but I’m sure, well’ succeed... I’m not saying I’ll succeed but just we’ll succeed... because I’m not alone, we are two... and I feel much stronger today just because I see that we are really a couple, we are two, but we are something more... a whitish plump lady and a black bear that comes form monkey can really be something more, something stronger, something better... I’m proud of you Jack!
